The event began with a rather charming series of remarks by Clemens attorney Rusty Hardin, who oddly asserted that he wasn't accusing the U.S. Justice Department of doing anything unethical even though it has been accused of, seemingly out of thin air, forcing McNamee to give up Clemens for the sake of, well, little more than providing the feds with a big name to hang the investigation's hat on. The fact is that the Bush Administration has used Clemens similar to how the Church of Scientology has employed Tom Cruise, as a reliable public relations resource for them to try to put themselves over with the public. Clemens has visited the White House on numerous occasions at the invitation of the Bushes. So that the Gonzalez (who has since resigned in disgrace) Justice Department would suddenly endeavor to undermine Clemens is frankly astonishing---and unbelievable. 

Hardin's comment vis a vis governmental motives may be an attempt to prevent investigators from being motivated to really give the big righthander a profound legal kicking. So at best, Hardin's statement in that regard is disingenuous. 

Hardin subsequently  had somebody roll a tape of a 17 minute conversation between McNamee and Clemens. Leading up to that phone call, Hardin had apparently talked to Clemens about the possibility of witness tampering charges and that resulted in a somewhat stilted conversation that displayed how conflicted McNamee is both professionally and emotionally, at one point mentioning his son, who he says, is dying.  This was all pretty heartwrenching, but by the same token, as you may have seen in the great drama series The Sopranos, you see a lot of the same dynamic in organized crime trials whereby underlings are sat on by the feds to give up indignant and scared bosses. If you live in the backwash of any celebrity, corporate or criminal kingpin, you risk becoming a tool for investigators to lean on to get at the Mr/Ms Big. That is where McNamee is right now, though I personally believe that McNamee volunteered Clemens to show his sincerity to investigators rather than investigators possessing some kind of vendetta for the fireballer. 

At no point, though, did Clemens ask the legitimate question of how his name came up in relation to all this. Clemens denied using steroids to McNamee, which McNamee never refuted during the conversation. Indeed, McNamee seemed to indicate that he would recant and do a Susan McDougal for Clemens, perhaps in some kind of screwed up attempt to save his ability to work as a trainer to famous athletes, by going to jail and keeping his mouth shut. Sorry, but unlike Barry Bonds trainer Greg Amderson, McNamee has already let the cat out of the bag and his changing tack now would only gain him a three year sentence for contempt and maybe an obstruction of justice charge with it. So this is a non-starter. 

Clemens went on to talk about how this has affected his family, including his wife Debbie. Uh huh. Aside from the fact that the family has directly benefited from the use of banned chemicals, I personally question whether Clemens has been faithful to his wife during his celebrated career, though I have zero evidence to make a claim that he has been anything other than monogamous. Nevertheless, the reputation of professional athletes for womanizing does tend to blunt the protestations of concern for the feelings of family members.

That was further belied by the fact that Clemens didn't move the press conference to Tuesday or later after he was scheduled to attend the funeral for a son of a friend Monday. He consequently bypassed the funeral and the opportunity to comfort a family dealing with tragedy in the name of defending his personal glory. So let's get one thing straight: Roger Clemens is about Roger first and everybody else is secondary or worse. All his babbling about his regard for his family and friends is crap. Sorry. 

Clemens then took the podium and, with steam coming out of his ears and using one of my personal favorite pet phrases, "I don't give a rat's ass," this all American boy categorically repeatedly denied any involvement in steroids, repeating a line he had uttered previously about juicing being a kind of bad neighborhood to live in. Most of the assembled reporters seemed cowed by Clemens anger and they might have further been put on their heels when he essentially fumed that they can take their hall of fame votes and load them into the ol' pooper. 

He surprised them further by revealing that he will appear in front of California rep Henry Waxman's Government Oversight Committee, even with his libel suit pending, and answer all questions. Those who will recall Curt Schilling's appearance before that same body when it was chaired by Indiana scumbag pol Tom Davis will see that as the joke it is. Schilling made a statement in the media at some point about how much he loathed steroid users and then went before the committee and propounded that he didn't actually have that much information to offer on the subject. Clemens is already insisting that he isn't that knowlegeable on the topic, either. A little after that, he suddenly blurted that he was done and walked off the stage. 

For those who are worried about Clemens because of possible contempt of Congress (and Congress is worthy of contempt in the best of times anyway) charges, not gonna happen. He will use it as a stage to further assert his innocence and give C-Span a substantial ratings boost, but little of consequence is likely to come out of all that Sturm und Drang. 

The most important effect that will be elicited during the January 16th hearing will be impressing on the MLB Player's Union and big league officials that they had better be staying on top of the drugs issue. Much like with the press conference, I don't expect it to move public sentiment any further in Clemens direction, though. 

1. When he goes before Henry Waxman and his congressional committee later this month, he will say that the facts of the alleged steroid injections are under litigation and that on advice of his attorney he will try to sidestep questions about his use of those substances. This is a higher order McGwire strategy in the main. The question is, will the media and the public fall for it? Lotsa luck there, Roger. 

2. He left the federal government out of the equation. Since the revelations came to light in the midst of a Justice Department  investigation, the feds, and keep in mind that Clemens is a well known friend of George W. Bush, are essentially collaborating in a subornation of perjury,  if Clemens defamation suit is to be believed. Yet, he did not go after the feds on this even though it could pay off handsomely for him financially should he win the case by proving that the feds were a party to the defamation.

What is happening there is that he wants to force McNamee and his far less talented lawyer than what he would face in federal court to come to some settlement that would blunt the seriousness of Clemens involvement in performance enhancing drugs or corner McNamee into a "the feds made me do it against my will" posture because McNamee does not have the money to keep defending himself against legal actions and is thus more likely to fold than the feds are. So the goal there is to make McNamee, the lynch pin in all this, pack it in and make the feds look like the evil doers, to quote a Bushism.

You can also refer to it as a form of witness tampering, though a perfectly legal one in this instance. 

3. Pay attention to the explicit charge that the feds have suborned perjury from McNamee. That is a federal crime in this context and subject to serious jail time and it would be the end of the careers of the government investigators and lawyers associated with the subornation. Again, seeing this, why aren't the feds a co-respondent in the lawsuit? It would also help Clemens in going after the media legally ala Richard Jewell, especially to pursue guys such as Mike Lupica, who pretty much called Clemens a lying, conniving cheater. Malice and a reckless disregard for the truth (the so-called Sullivan test for public figures defending themselves)? Should McNamee not hold fast and the federal case goes south, the Sullivan test will be met and Lupica and others in the media are going to be hiring attorneys of their own. 

4. There is also the possibility that Clemens has filed the suit to warn off the media from further talking about his involvement as a lead pipe certainty while he comes up with another public relations strategy to manage the damage to his image in the meantime. Clements can abandon the suit at anytime if the desires as well and I think it is likely that will happen.

5. This potentially heads off a lawsuit by McNamee against Clemens. McNamee may figure that he can't financially fight a two front battle, offense and defense, if you will. The caveat there is that there is a provision in the law for malicious prosecution  and Clemens could find himself on the negative end of such a charge, should McNamee decide to go for it. But McNamee is so publically dirty right now and he is radioactive in MLB that with Clemens still a hero to millions, this is a tough legal hill to climb. Indeed, that may actually have been part of the Clemens calculus here. 

Consequently, really, the Clemens action is bullshit. It's a nice try , but anyone with a brain should dismiss it as little more than a public relations hail mary. 

Yakult infielder Adam Riggs, who was said to have been a conduit for then Yomiuri hurler Bart Miadich obtaining performance enhancing substances while he was also thought to have imbibed substaintal mounts himself, has categorically denied both using and buying the banned chemicals. But while he said he wants to declare his innocence from the mountaintops, his attorney has advised him to withold comment while, presumably, the former Dodger's legal options are pondered. He emphasized that he has been tested in Japan the last two seasons and has not come up positive. Unfortunately, that last statement is meaningless since HGH is undetectable by current urine tests. 

Hochi Sports quoted an unnamed Yakult source as averring that Riggs looked bigger during spring training of 2006 than he was the previous year and that he showed a livelier bat. 

Likewise, Hanshin setup man Jeff Williams is propounding his purity in all this even though the Mitchell Report has dug up a check the southpaw reportedly wrote to cover purchases of steroids. Like Riggs, Williams asserted that his negative drug tests are proof that he isn't doing anything underhanded. The Tigers front office is standing behind Williams for now. 

Recent Yokohama addition Larry Bigbie, one of the most prominent figures in all this during his stint with Baltimore, appears to be headed for the unemployment line, though. While the Bay Stars have announced Bigbie's acquisition, he wasn't scheduled to actually sign his contract until January. With fans very unhappy about the way club owner and media outlet TBS has operated their local team, Bigbie's presence would have been a further public relations problem and it appears that they are going to pass. That is a sound decision. 

While the initial reaction in the Japanese sports press was rather muted in the hours following the issuing of the report, it exploded across the nation Saturday morning Japan Time and has cast the image of Hanshin and Yakult in a slightly darker light as a result. It is unknown if the Swallows will investigate further after eliciting the denail out of Riggs. 

Nevertheless, with the revelations that former Japan Leaguers Chris Donnels (Kintetsu, Orix), Phil Hiatt (Hanshin), Mark Carreon (Lotte) and Matt Franco (Lotte) were users along with Williams, Riggs and Miadich, that brings to about 15 or so the number of players who have been in Japan only to then be found out employing illicit ways to improve or maintain performance. Yokohama recently picked up former Mets and Toronto farmhand Yusaku Iriki, who tested positive a couple of years ago. Iriki asserts that the dirty result was due to his not paying attention to what was in a supplement he was taking. However, no news has since been disclosed that would back up Iriki's claim. So one can conclude that they believe Iriki because, well, he's Japanese. 

Franco was brought over to Lotte by his former manager, Bobby Valentine. No inquiry has reportedly been made to Valentine about what he might have known about substance abuse while he was running the Mets. It should be noted that the clubhouse guy in question in the Mets case was not with that team when Franco was. 

Chad Allen, who played with Orix last season, is apparently in more serious trouble. The feds are using him as an information source in their investigation of intenet drug mills and he was forced to testify to the Mitchell investigation as part of his deal with U.S. authorities. Allen stated that he didn't use while in Japan. 

But the biggest name in all this is Alex Cabrera, who says that he never used steroids at all, even with the evidence of being sent a big heapin' helpin' of the stuff while a member of the Arizona Diamondbacks. Cabrera has also tested negative in Japan, but Seibu officials have said that since testing has been implemented, Cabrera seems to be losing bulk and muscle definition. The Lions initially believed that Cabrera was clean during his years in Tokorozawa, but now merely say, "we don't know." None of the accusations against the big Venezuelan has deterred Orix from pursuing him. 

The most prominent MLB name to have tested positive after having played in Japan was Cleveland reliever Rafael Betancourt, who has been very succesful indeed once he came off of his suspension. He was also with Yokohama. 

Most recently, ex-Lotte and Orix lefty Dan Serafini was discovered to be dirty while he was with Colorado last season. Serafini said he used while recovering from an injury he suffered in Japan, an allegation that NPB officials were too lazy or hesitant to investigate. 

Jose Canseco's brother Ozzie spent some time in the minors with Kintetsu and has also been alleged to have been a user. That has also gone without a look by NPB officials. 

New Nippon Ham addition Termel Sledge tested positive for Andro in 2004, but that was caught by olympic baseball authorities and not MLB. Nothing is forthcoming about that from the Fighters organization, though it is questionable as to whether either the Japanese press or the team knows about the failed screening. 

Other onetime Japan league players who got nailed are:

Nerio Rodriguez (Kintetsu)
Ramon Ramirez (Hiroshima)
Matt Whiteside (Yokohama)
Tetsu Yofu (Drafted by the Daiei Hawks; also played in Taiwan before being signed by the White Sox)
Tom Evans (Hanshin, Seibu)
Jon Nunnally (Orix)
Brian Mallette (Kintetsu)
Damian Moss (was worked out by a Japanese team but not signed)

It bears noting that Evans, Nunnally and Mallete were all sanctioned on the same day, April 6, 2005. 

A tip of the hat to the Baseball's Steroid Era  blog for the info enumerated immediately above. 

Let us also not forget that Softbank righthander Rick Guttormson tested positive for a steroid masking agent in 2007. He was suspended and fined, though both team officials and Guttormson, a former Mariner (an organization that has had its own steroid and amphetamine problems) are utilizing the baldness medication excuse for the less than savory result. Yeah, I laughed over that one, too. 

With all kinds of suspicions now swirling, one has to perhaps question Tuffy Rhodes numbers in Japan. Rhodes, by his own admission, was a 170 pound speed guy when he came to the majors with the Cubs, but bulked up to his present 220 pounds after joining Kintetsu to become the greatest foreign slugger ever there. Note, though, that no credible evidence has yet materialized linking Rhodes with steroids or HGH. He has been tested in Japan and has been judged clean. But a 50 pound weight gain for an elite athlete over the last 12 years who has never looked out of shape does tend to raise eyebrows. 

I contacted Tokyo, Hyogo and Kanagawa Prefectural police for comment as to whether they have any interest in the Riggs, Williams and Bigbie matters, but have yet to receive a response. 

As for the response to the Mitchell report, well, Japan wouldn't like that bit of Kabuki theater because it is so tawdry and cynical. Let's face it: they not only announced the results of the report at this juncture so that by the time the 2008 schedule opened, this will all have been old news. It avoids the steady drip drip drip of gonorrhea (oops, old Cheech and Chong joke), er, make that leaks, to the media from federal investigators that would tarnish the upcoming campaign otherwise. 

Moreover, Mitchell, in calling for no playes named in his exegesis to be held accountable makes him kind of a Wizard of Oz like-figure. Nothing to see here, all smoke and mirrors meant to make MLB appear to be getting serious about performance enhancing drugs when, in fact, its milquetoast handling of the amphetamine issue puts the lie to that. Mitchell also rather disgustingly used his experience helping to negotiate the end of the nearly four decades long most recent series of so-called "troubles" in Northern Ireland in calling for going easy on players caught up on this in the name of the amorphous "moving forward." Someone needs to clue Mitchell in that a fate of a nation isn't at stake here, but rather the credibility of a sport that makes him and his fatcat buddies big bucks. 

The problem with that, aside from the fact that it reduces a conflict in which thousands were blown up, shot, maimed and imprisoned to the level of a mere sport, is that it is not a satisfactory result in public relations terms and it becomes yet another example of how if you are an athlete you will not have to suffer consequences for your actions. It is also a symbol of how uninterested MLB was, and actually is, in controlling doping.

Most emblematic of the latter point is that the report avoids excoriating commissioner Bud Selig directly, but instead chose to mouth the platitude that all levels of MLB officialdom, especially team executives, as well as players and coaches, did their part to make this such an ugly part of the baseball scene. It only briefly sideswiped the fact that Selig did nothing about amphetamine use by his players when he bought the Seattle Pilots and move4 them to Milwaukee. I have written extensively in the past about the history of steroids and drugs in sports and MLB's tendency to bury its head so far in the sand it is ordering takeout from Beijing restaurants on a daily basis over the issue, so I won't go off on that. 

The report, though, even as it mouths the collective responsibility meme, mostly blames a series of arbitration decisions, beginning with the Ferguson Jenkins ruling, which, by the way, was a legally sound one even if I would have liked to have seen Jenkins do jail time over it, and that whole thing reaching its nadir with the Steve Howe crisis. But that really falls flat to me because if nobody wanted to take Howe on, and they shouldn't have, then his use would have rightfully ended his career. Nobody put a gun to George Steinbrenner's head when he signed Howe and two other noteworthy parent-cringing additions, Darryl Strawberry and Dwight Gooden. 

The insincerity was further highlighted when then commissioner Peter Ueberroth allowed players caught up in a cocaine ring, including Keith Hernandez, who is now a broadcaster, to avoid suspension if they gave part of their salaries to charity instead of banishing them for life,. which is what should have occurred. 

When a reporter rightfully questioned whether Mitchell, a former exec with the Marlins and a current one with Boston, had a conflict of interest in administering this dog and pony show, he again went back to the Northern Ireland negotiations, where, he asserted, his being an Irish Catholic was criticized as coloring his actions there. Aside from the fact that the latter is out and out horseshit, again referring to the Irish conflict trivializes the real suffering that those negotiations brought an end to. 

Selig also referred to Mitchell as "the greatest diplomat of our time." Nobody in the media noticed that statement missed the point. The idea was to produce a thorough investigation, not a diplomatic exercise geared to reconciling two warring factions. That the Mitchell team had no subpoena power and that the revelations contained in the report were mostly due to the aid of federal investigators underscores just how unsatisfactory and pallid the final product was. 

The farce was heightened even further by the asinine wailing of the often hacktacular Peter Gammons, who called the two clubhouse guys netted by the FBI bottom feeders giving up the Roger Clemens and other names in order to save their hides. Well, no shit, Sherlock! Of course, what Gammons failed to say is that if the testimony by the sources of the revelations were false, they would not only be looking at doing the full ride in Rykers or Joliet for the original charges, but they would also have to contend with added perjury charges. One also needs to query Gammons as to what he thinks of Joe Valachi and other mafia underlings who coughed up testimony about their bosses. Does Gammons now believe that those crime kingpins were railroaded because their scummy subordinates were flipped by the government? Next time you see him, please ask him that. I would be interested in the answer. 

Gammons' distaste for all this lends permission to younger writers who would rather just be glorified fans to gloss over the grim portrayals of athletes who slept through biology in high school giving each other injections of chemicals with longterm dangerous side effects. That hurts efforts to clean the sport up. I can tell you with some authority that a good many writers don't give a tinker's cuss if players are downing speed like Lifesavers and one ink stained wretch, L.A. Times columnist Bill Plaschke, an idiot if there ever was one, even asserted one day on ESPN's Around the Horn that he has seen fellow writers being given controlled substances by players. Consider the source since Plaschke is a moron, but you wouldn't doubt it happens, would you? 

ESPN's lawyers might also want to inform Gammons that making a false allegation of perjury is actionable in a civil court. Gammons has no proof that they are lying and that constitutes wanton disregard of the truth. Gammons might want to retract his statement to protect his and his employer's bottom lines. 

Since writers feel that being in an MLB locker room is a privilege and not their right as journalists only exacerbates this cheerleader mentality among too many reporters. God only knows what favors players may have procured for the scribes to keep them on the friendly side of the ledger. You see many writers only proclaiming their shock and outrage when the tv cameras are turned on, but in their heart of hearts, they would rather be sucking A-Rod's cock. So never, ever, ever confuse a baseball writer with a journalist. I have admitted many times in the past that I'm just a dumbass fan with a website. Most writers are dumbass fans with access and a big platform with which to promote their favorites as well as themselves. And that is all they should be viewed as. So when you hear them pooh poohing all this you have to justly question their motives.

One question that is NOT being asked is just what Mitchell and his legal team, the firm of Foley and Larder, which has been on retainer by the commissioner's office for many years, spent that reported $60 million on. As long as the Kenneth Starr Whitewater and other investigations of then president Bill Clinton went on, and they had subpoena power and a mulitplicity of governmental resources at their disposal, that came in around $70 million and that was heavily criticized as a waste of taxpayer money. So how in hell does Mitchell get off charging MLB $60 million for this charade when the result is so unsatisfying? Let's see an investigation into the expenditures of the Mitchell probe. Right now, this smacks of expensive cronyism where Mitchell is allowed to be bought off, in part, by being allowed to overbill MLB's bank account, if that is indeed what happened. 

I also rather negatively view the use of Don Hooton, whose son tragicaly killed himself as a result of steroid use, as a tool to try to legitimize this report. It is tough to see how Hooton, who is hardly a dumb guy, got himself dragged into this fiasco. It could be that he sincerely thinks that MLB had good intentions. But the fact is that MLB executives, as exemplified by Mitchell, are afraid to take on the players union over penalizing players who have been named. Selig says that he will hand out sanctions, but he is such a practiced liar. He prevaricated before Congress, so fibbing to the media and, by extension, the public, is a piece of cake. 

There are two names who I was puzzled to not see on the list of offenders: one was Mike Piazza, who I have suspected for years has been a user, though he has vociferously denied it, and Yankees catcher Jorge Posada, who had his career year at age 36, when most catchers have either moved to first base, DH or to the civilian sector. As much as I hate to focus on the guy because of the situation with one of his children, I just can't help but believe that he is taking HGH. However, no evidence has been unearthed on either him or Piazza to support my doubts about them. 

I have no idea of U.S. Represntative Howard Waxman's opinion of the report, but the fact that he would call MLB on the carpet so soon after it has been issued makes me hope that an intense grilling, like the one both players and management endured last time, is in the cards. It is time for Congress to put U.S. pro sports drug testing under the purview of WADA and push for offseason screening as well. MLB says that the new regime, which Congress forced them to devise, is working. But what is actually happening is that players are now moving to HGH and maybe even designer steroids to avoid detection. MLB's insistence that there is nothing more to see here doesn't wash. 

Finally, a side note: it surprises me that I have to keep reminding people about this, but you are hearing the "m" word, "mistake," being used to describe steroid use by some players. No, these are willful, intentional acts. I have known about the dangers of steroids since I was in junior high thanks to books by a couple of retired pro athletes that were out at the time. That was more than 35 years ago. So the possible fallout from steroid use is well known and when players choose to use it, it is a well considered act and they deserve no mercy in the public relations arena for resorting to them. 

The fact is that MLB largely views the world like 1890's imperialists did. They want to move in, take it over and drain it of every last economic resource to add to what they already have at home. Treating the KBO or NPB or the CPBL like equals? Are you kidding?  What, are you a Communist? Bud Selig and his putative bosses are largely a bunch of boors who still contemplate the world through the prism of an era long gone by. This results in a lot of hurt feelings when MLB ventures overseas and opportunities are missed along with that. They haven't been willing to work with the sports fan base in the U.S. and have displayed a continual public relations tin ear (the satellite tv deal, maddening blackout policies and charging for content on MLB.com are three examples of counterproductive shortsightedness). So if they are that arrogant and dismissive toward the folks at home who make the existence of their teams possible, and you couple that with their exploitative outlook vis a vis foreign markets, then there is little motivation to use more diplomatic means to achieve their objectives. That bull in a china shop approach engenders resistance and resentment. 

This is where Valentine comes in. As much as Valentine's belief in himself turns some people off, he is usually right. Not only that, but he also knows when to hold 'em and when to fold 'em when it comes to business matters. Yeah, in the office, you're going to get a lot of unvarnished uh, how should I put this, frank opinion from him. But he will also be your greatest cheerleader if he believes in you. He is just trying to improve the organization, agree or disagree with him. 

But when it comes to organizing business transactions, Valentine, who is a businessman himself in addition to his job in baseball, has learned how to be a first class diplomat, a quality nobody, and I mean nobody, in MLB has with regard to Asia. He is willing to separate his immediate needs with what will facilitate the best result for everyone concerned because, if you don't help your business partners in Asia build face, you will soon find yourself hearing muzukashii a lot (which is how Japanese, who prefer indirection, say, "nope, not going to happen;" the word itself literally means, "that's difficult") or Korean or Mandarin equivalents to it. By managing in Japan and learning how to work the language and business angles there in addition to his success in the dugout, he has become something of a cult figure. Bobby now has face in Japan, Jim Small does not. He has learned patience because change moves slowly in Japan due to Japanese being naturally risk averse. Negotiations are set up through back channels, opinions aired and details knocked out before the actual public meeting happens so that everybody knows what is going to happen, which means nobody gets hung out to dry and loses face. MLB's stance is more confrontational and typically western, which Asians tend to find rude and insulting. 

Valentine not only has face though, he is kao ga hiroi, which means he pretty much knows, or has a working knowledge of, anybody who is anybody in Japanese baseball and just his name will get him through many doors that would be closed to other MLB execs. Similarly, most of those same rules apply in Korea, too. China and Taiwan are harder nuts to crack and their business cultures much rowdier and byztantine. But because the CPBL knows Valentine through what he has done with the Chiba Lotte Marines he already carries with him respect from them that any other MLB person would not. 

So even as he might have engendered some antipathy for being so outspoken in the U.S., he knows when to change his attitude and massage the other parties to get something done in business matters. The fact is, too, that MLB needs to start helping NPB, the KBO and the CPBL market themselves in the U.S. to allay fears in some quarters in Japan that MLB is trying to destroy their local leagues. MLB has no idea how to do that. Valentine, with his enthusiasm for the Japanese game, could help make that happen in a big way and not only would Japanese baseball benefit, but so would baseball fans everywhere. It could also be that he could nudge the fossils that run NPB into a kind of glasnost (though that is EXTREMELY optimistic) so that quality of play in that league will improve to the extent that, at some point in the near future, it will become just as good as MLB.

A strong rival foreign league would make baseball here all the more intriguing plus it would get Asian-Americans more involved in the sport in the states. It is perverse that while MLB teams have catered to the Japanese tourist trade, they have done little or no marketing to Asian-Americans in the U.S. That has to change. Again, Valentine's experience gives him the feel for doing that Selig and his minions could only dream of.

Look: MLB has a history of appointing complete nincompoops to be its frontman. From racist and laughably incompetent Judge Kenesaw Mountain Landis to General William Eckert, who didn't know a baseball from a hole in the ground, to plodding dope Bowie Kuhn and uber-douchebag Selig, this has long seemed to be a position that goes to graduates of clown colleges than actual baseball people with good business judgment and public relations savvy. With Bobhy Valentine, there is a historic opportunity to name someone who has a perfect storm of experience and disposition to guide baseball into a new era. Wouldn't it be great if MLB didn't fuck it up for once?

Besides, it would be fun to see Steve Phillips, the metrosexual attention whore who didn't get along with Valentine because everything had to be about The Steve, spit out the words "commissioner Bobby Valentine" like Gollum on Baseball Tonight? Please, let it come to pass!